I have to tell you that over the past six months, I have reawakened!
It all began with a new Facebook group I created called “Simply…Woman! Love Your Body, Love Your Life“.
I had no idea where it would take me! Huge! Incredible! Life-saving!
In fact, I have gained so much more than the twenty-five pounds that I’ve lost. I’m becoming a Yoga Teacher and getting ready to launch SWAY (Simply Woman Accredited Yoga)! Woot Woot! My body is almost pain-free, and I feel super strong again!
Reflecting on what I’ve learned, experienced, achieved, I feel most excited about the deep, loving, inner connection I’ve made with myself.
Sure, when I first started, I had some lose weight to lose; I wanted to tone up, cut back on some “bad” habits, exercise more, eat more protein and fewer carbs, and drink more water >>> “All that oh-so-important stuff.” And it is important stuff cuz I had to get honest with myself about my lifestyle.
So what if I had been an athlete for most of my life? I couldn’t ride on those laurels any longer.
I hadn’t done anything “athletic” in a long while.
I worked extended wackodoodle hours from home, and although I spent much of my day stretched out on my couch, fire burning, candles lit, working on my laptop, feeling blessed in my life, my hip flexors were seized up, and my lower back was in constant agony.
I was 178 pounds. And although I certainly wasn’t fat, I had a gorgeous wardrobe of clothes I could no longer wear. And that sucked, too.
My sex life was dwindling; I’d convinced myself it was because my husband just wasn’t ‘that’ into me anymore. I mean, when he’d married me I was 140 pounds, and since neither of us was initiating ‘that often’, I’d convinced myself I just wasn’t sexy. Those days were behind me. I was a Chubby Bubby now. A good wife. A good mom.
I worried: What if I lose weight, feel stunning and sexy, and my husband doesn’t notice or respond???
What if I become flirtatious with other men? What if losing weight complicates things? I had a good life!
Besides, I have gorgeous young women for daughters and the last thing they need in this hyper-critical, hyper-competitive, hyper-comparing world, was a ‘gorgeous’ mother, I told myself.
“No…better they feel good about themselves then I feel good about myself.”
And my really big fear: What if I became intimidating and unrelatable to women? What if they stop following or learning from me if I become too fit? Too hot? Too #BAM? What if they hate me? I see how girls can be with my gorgeous daughters, and how women were with me in the past.
All pretty good fears, eh?
These were all just disempowered bullshit stories I was telling myself.
These are the excuses we tell ourselves to keep ourselves SMALL/FAT, dull, bored, boring, unhappy, unfulfilled, blaming, shaming, blah crap.
I’m sure you’ve read my favorite Marianne Williamson’s quote:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
And so I started with walks. I walked all winter long. Sometimes 11 or 12 kilometers. Outside. Winding blowing. Bundled up. Freaking cold. Canada. I followed most of the steps of my book, Simply…Woman!
(Get ‘Simply…Woman!: The 12-Week Body-Mind-Soul Total Transformation Program’ here at no charge: http://www.swatinstitute.com/popup/free-e-book)
I talked incredibly lovingly to myself, reassuring myself that I was safe (although I carried a can of pepper spray in my hand, and often felt afraid).
“I am safe. My body is safe. My future is safe. My marriage is safe. My daughters are safe. Our family is safe. I am safe to be me: the Real Me. I am safe to shine. I am safe to be my best self.”
The weight didn’t come off, at first. I was surprised at how hard the first month was.
But then things started to click. It got easier to eat healthy, easier to move my body. That’s when I realized what was happening:
My body is the effect.
My mind is the cause.
It took time for my body to manifest the love and safety that my mind was trying to reassure me of.
It took time to TRUST ME.
It took time to believe that I was safe to shine.
I had long loving talks with my Chubby Bubby (my “Mother Energy) and my Charmer (my “Daughter Energy); especially, once I realized these two parts of me were enemies, battling each other inside my brain.
The peace I feel inside. Wow. That’s the biggest thing that has happened over these past few months. It’s profound. Safe. Healing. And my sex life: #BAM 😉